What Will It Be?

Will it be the thrill of a first little girl?  Or will we find joy in a third boy? 

At my last diagnostic ultrasound a few weeks ago, they checked for the gender, but the little one was being a wee bit... okay, a lot a bit (the tech said she can't remember the last time she'd had such a difficult time trying to get a peek)... modest. 

So Saturday is the big day, and we're hoping for some temporary immodesty. 

So what do you think?  Team pink or team blue? 

Grandma Jacox

What an emotional rollercoaster of a week.  Let me preface by going back in time.  The Jacox Family reunion was two weeks ago.  That's Jonathan's maternal side.  Originally, the reunion was supposed to be at 1 o'clock in Provo (10 minutes from our house), but was changed to 4 o'clock in Bountiful (an hour and 15 minutes from our house).  Before the time change, we had planned to attend a church activity.  Since the reunion was early in the day and close to home, we had plenty of time to get home for the church activity-- a private rental of  the local pool.  We had already invited several neighbor families to come with us to the pool, so when the reunion time and location changed, we reneged on our plans to attend.  But the night before, I could not sleep.  I was up all night with the overwhelming feeling that we needed to forgo the pool and go up to the family reunion.  So I sent out texts and messages that morning, apologizing to the friends we had invited.  We went to the reunion and saw the frail but always happy and smiling Grandma Jacox.  We took pictures with her and expressed our love to her, and had her love expressed to us in return.  The reunions are, after all, mostly done in her behalf.  She is alone in the sense that her husband has long since passed away, but we are her posterity, and Grandma feels such joy when she spends time with us all.

A week after the reunion, we received a text from Joanne (Jonathan's mom) that Grandma was in the ICU with pneumonia and extremely low blood pressure.  She had also suffered a heart attack upon her arrival to the hospital.  She was incoherent and on a ventilator.  We all flooded Joanne's inbox with messages for her to read aloud, messages that were really meant as goodbyes, expressing our love and gratitude for Grandma.  It seemed that Grandma was just waiting for her last 2 children to arrive to say goodbye.  They did, and as Grandma was surrounded by her eight beautiful children, she was also given a Priesthood blessing.  Miraculously, she started doing better.  She was coherent, able to talk, able to enjoy visiting with those who came to see her. 

Though grateful for her improved condition, I was surprised.  When we heard about Grandma's hospitalization, I had believed that those strong feelings I had to go to the reunion were part of a divine intervention to tell Grandma goodbye.  To give us and our children one more memory of being with her-- one last opportunity to express our love to her in person.  But every day we received updates from Joanne informing us of how Grandma was improving and how much better she was feeling.

And then Friday morning, I was in the middle of shopping when I read the following email from Joanne:  "Grandma is not doing well today.  Kidney failure, and needs a transfusion.  She's declined.  She sends her love to you and says she loves you so much!  She misses dad.  Please pray for her to have a smooth passing."  There I stood, in the middle of Walmart, crying all over again.  I have grown to love this woman as if she were a grandmother that I have known since birth.  And though I never had the opportunity to meet Grandpa Jacox, I have always felt a connection to his and Grandma's relationship by the simple fact that their wedding anniversary is on my birthday. 

Yvonne Young Jacox passed away this morning, and though I feel so sad for her passing, I also feel peace.  I am grateful for the promptings that led us to go to the family reunion.  I am grateful for that last memory etched in our hearts.  I am grateful for the life of this amazing woman and the example that she has set for me.  And I am grateful to know that we will be reunited with Grandma again one day, just as she is now reunited with loved ones who have gone on before.... including Gordon, her sweetheart of fifty-eight years. 

Happy Baby

Here is baby.  Healthy and well.  After calling in about the issues I was having, the nurse asked that I come in for an ultrasound to see what was going on.  I happily obliged.  It was pure bliss to hear the little heartbeat- a lovely 178- and see this little one move about.  They also diagnosed the cause of my problem, which is a subchorionic bleed.  Nearly all cases clear up with time, but it's something they'll continue to monitor by ultrasound every two weeks until it does.  I have to admit, I'm a little excited that I'll get to see baby so often :)  Throughout all of this, I realize how much I take for granted about pregnancy.  With all that can happen, I look at my two boys and this little one here... and I think what a miracle life truly is.

A Testimony...

Yeah... I haven't written a new post in ages.  But I feel the need to begin documenting the challenges, combined with blessings, that our family has been experiencing lately.  Besides, I have to rest in bed all day, so what else am I going to do?  ;) 

As you know, we are happily expecting the arrival of baby Hoehne número tres.  I am only 10 weeks along, but in that short time, I have already experienced some complications with my pregnancy.  I found out I was pregnant on my birthday, (How cool is that??  Best birthday gift ever!) but a week later I began spotting.  I had to go to UVRMC twice-- for bloodwork, a rhogam shot, and more follow-up bloodwork.  I had low hormone levels and was put on progesterone pills, but a week later I had an ultrasound to confirm that all was well with baby H.  Not to mention that Jonathan gave me a Priesthood blessing in which I was promised that I would continue to be pregnant.  This was all a very spiritually edifying experience for me... one that brought me closer to the Spirit and closer to Jonathan.

Then I got ornery.

The progesterone pills have made me sick as can be.  Not to mention extra-special moody.  In many ways, I have been an impatient, ornery little wife.  Perhaps intolerant towards people in general- seeing as how I've been using the phrase "People are stupid" a lot lately.  Maybe I needed to be brought again to a remembrance of what really matters and remain unfettered by the petty complaints that so easily creep into my consciousness.  Today, I began bleeding.  I have had periodic spotting throughout my pregnancy, but no cause for real alarm.  Today, however, the bleeding was heavier.  I immediately called Jonathan in to ask for a blessing.... I found immediate comfort in the promise that my "body will take care of itself and continue to protect this baby."  I was promised that the baby will continue to grow and develop without any problems.  I was blessed to have faith, to let not my heart be troubled.... and reminded of the connection I have to this unborn child through promises made in the temple.

This would all be comfort enough, but I also sought solace in the scriptures.  In times of distress, I like to use the flip-open method ;)  I always know that I will flip open to exactly the page and place that I need to read.  Today, that was Doctrine & Covenants 11:10-14...

10 Behold, thou hast a gift, or thou shalt have a gift if thou wilt desire of me in faith, with an  honest heart, believing in the power of Jesus Christ, or in my power which speaketh unto thee;

11 For, behold, it is I that speak; behold, I am the light which shineth in darkness, and by my power I give these words unto thee.

12 And now, verily, verily, I say unto thee, put your trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good—yea, to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously; and this is my Spirit.

13 Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy;

14 And then shall ye know, or by this shall you know, all things whatsoever you desire of me, which are pertaining unto things of righteousness, in faith believing in me that you shall receive.

Writing about this is more for my benefit than anyone else's, I'm sure... but I wanted to share my experience with whoever may read this.  Not long ago, an agnostic friend posted a comment on Facebook about the need to be freed from the "hubris" of religion, claiming that religion hinders us from experiencing our full potential.  I find such claims to be so... backwards.  I feel I am never even close to experiencing my full potential unless I am seeking the spiritual.  And without it, I certainly would never be able to handle the challenges that arise in this life.  In particular, I am grateful for the divine power of the scriptures and the Priesthood.  The promises I receive from them help me journey closer to my full potential and help me deal with the challenges along that journey. 

I still have my anxieties about this pregnancy... but I also feel hope in the promises I have received and know that, no matter what happens, Baby Hoehne is connected to me and mine forever.   

Keyan's First Talk

Keyan gave his first talk today... the subject was "Feast Upon My Word."  I was so proud of him, because throughout nearly the whole first part, he spoke without any prompting from Jonathan.